No Need to Know How

This is the screen saver I am using on my Blackberry and my laptop at the moment.  STOP.  REALLY.  YOU GOTTA STOP. I am trying to retrain my mind…it is supposedly possible!! I have something going on in my head that needs to stop.  It is something I have honestly manifested in my life.  I know I asked for it.  I know I made it happen.  If only I could turn my energies into manifesting positive things in my life as easily as I have manifested something that is not so positive!  Am I being enigmatic enough for you? Well, sorry ’bout that, but this is as detailed as I’m gonna get.  Back to retraining the mind.  One theory I read said when you start thinking thoughts like “I’m depressed” you should immediately start thinking “Purple Frog” (as an example) over and over until you can think of nothing else.  As long as you are thinking of that one thing, you can’t think of the other. True enough.  I have been trying it this week. When this unwanted thought process comes up, I literally shout NO….ok, only literally in the fact that I am shouting inside my own head, not literally out loud.  NO NO NO NO NO. When I was substitute teaching this week (only administering/monitoring a test, so no time was robbed from a student while I conducted my own life experiments!), I wrote NO all over one page. It helped.  It helped to change my mind, to make me stop thinking about the thing I was thinking about.

I have read a book about getting over an obsession.  It had some great ideas.  Write a journal of what triggered the thought, why, what you feel, what you did, etc etc.  Yawn. Time consuming. Requires effort.  Not gonna do it. I have run through it a bit in my mind, but haven’t really put anything on paper.  Another tactic is to berate your behavior for getting you into this jam by having it out with your behavior, supposedly seated in a chair.  Okey dokey.  Haven’t done that yet.  Another tactic that I just thought about today was that day #1, you’re supposed to think about this item/thing/whatever for 14 mins nonstop, then that’s IT. NO MORE. The next day…13 mins.  The next…12 mins.  And so on.  Haven’t done that.  I was doing pretty well. Tonight I had a relapse.  I am actually connecting BIG TIME with those who have addictions.  In this particular thing, I am addicted.  Obsessed. And it’s not a good thing.

I’ll get past it.  I’ve done better this week than last!  Be kind to myelf. Be gentle with myself.  Kick myself in the back of the head for being so foolish.  Oops! Ooooom.  Be kind.  Be gentle.  Working on it.

Sometimes you just gotta let it all out. Road trips can trigger such rants. Today was a road trip day. Mijn man and I drove to the south to visit the sons at school. Only about an hour and a half drive, on a good day, with good weather, no major holidays, and NO STUPID DRIVERS. People, PLEASE. What part about “use left lane for passing only” do you not understand?? I am absolutely in awe of these drivers who can drive so happily down the road, while my blood pressure is increasing by the moment. Cars by the thousands (ok, two to ten of us in line) are held up by JollyJoe, just moseying down the highway in the left lane. A favorite tactic of old Joe seems to be driving directly alongside SlowSue, who is taking her sweet time but at least is staying in the right lane where slow traffic is supposed to reside. Can’t fault Sue. She’s a rule follower, that one. But Joe. Joe is an idiot in my book. Often Joe has a car full of friends/kids/furniture/dogs. Or sometimes Joe is alone. Sometimes Joe is on the ever present cell phone. Often Joe is a Joann. But Joe is ALWAYS oblivious to the fact that he and he alone is keeping traffic from moving smoothly along that long long road separating point A from point B. Joe, for a clueless Bubba, you wield a lot of power.

I do try to relax, I truly do. I breathe deeply. I count to ten. I remind myself that we all have moments when we lose sight of where we are going and how we are affecting others. As the miles pile up, however, I am forced to begin my ranting and raving at how on God’s green earth did any highway patrolman see fit to give this Bozo a driver’s license?? Can I get an amen??

Perhaps just having returned from Europe has made me more aware of the horrendous drivers on our highways. In Europe, you NEVER pass on the right (I do it all the time. Mea culpa. Sue me. I’m in a hurry!) And once you pass correctly on the left, you “zip it up” and move right back into the slow lane on the right. And traffic continues hurtling down the highway at breakneck speeds…but it is MOVING! My hat is off to you, Belgian and Dutch drivers alike. Following the rules is definitely working for you there.

Here, I am forced to crawl along the now NOT open road behind ole Joe, til I can grab that split second opportunity to pass on the right, cutting between Sue and Joe, slithering back to the left and YES! VICTORY! I have passed Joe and am once again sailing down the highway at the speed of my choosing….at least until the next Left Lane Larry slows me down.

Au Revoir! Goede reis! Heb een grote vakantie! Those last two phrases are Dutch, if you didn’t automatically register that–saying good trip and great vacation!  It is that time–time for a very short trip across the water to Holland and Belgium.  This is the first trip the hubby and I have taken back to his home land without our sons. But, alas, they are away at college and cannot accompany us.  So an adventure awaits!

The primary reason for this trip is my brother in law’s 50th birthday.  In Holland, they celebrate the 50th in a big way.  Not having seen such a party, I will tell you only what I know…or rather my interpretation of what I have been told.  When one turns 50, an effigy of sorts of Abraham and Sarah (yes, the ones of Bible fame) will appear on your doorstep, apparently dressed in your clothes, somehow lifted from your possession at some time.  A party will include many songs, skits and stories about the birthday boy and much fun and frivolity will ensue, I am sure.

My BIL did not want a party, really, so I hope he is thrilled with the surprise party that is being planned for him for Thursday night!  In Holland, one throws their own birthday party. Can you imagine?  I guess that does take the worry out of wondering IF someone will throw you a party!  We, however, are doing this party for him.  My MIL and SIL are doing most of the work. We’re just the financial directors.  My husband is very excited about it all.

My BIL had requested for his party plans that we all go to Belgium for the weekend.  This will include my mother in law, two brother in laws (bachelors) sister in law and her husband and my niece and nephew.  We will be staying at a quite lovely hotel in the heart of Brussels from Friday til Monday, when we fly back to the States. (Do you love how I have already adapted to my European language patterns?

I am looking forward to a lovely trip. Brussels is one of my very favorite cities in the world.  San Francisco or Key West are tops on the list stateside.  Soooooo many more places I have yet to visit.  I must make a list and begin manifesting so I can mark each destination off.  The world is mine for the taking, yes it is!

Have I told you my motto for the year? “Life is an experiment.”  What a freeing thought.  How can you fail when it’s all just an experiment anyway??  (Thanks to Christine Kane for this attitude shift.  She totally rocks. Check her out. See my sidebar.)

Ok, so life is an experiment.  You just GOTTA try new things with that attitude, right? I have spent the past mumble-mumble number of years always worrying about the what ifs in life.  If I do this, what will THEY think? If I do that, what if THIS happens? Such a LIMITING thought pattern, as I will strongly attest.  I am trying new things almost on a daily basis now and so far, the world has not come to an end! Amazing!

Today I chose to attend a Reiki class and received my first level certification or something like that.  I have had Reiki done “to me” and loved it.  I definitely see the value and reality of it.  What I’m not so sure about it if someone ordinary Joe like me is truly able to become one who performs Reiki.  I had an attunement, which supposedly empowers me with the energy connection that allows me to perform Reiki.  I learned about chakras, auras, and more.  Fascinating stuff, truly.  A lot I totally am into and want to learn more about. Now whether or not I will truly possess the ability to channel this healing energy as a healer? That I’m not so sure of.

I do believe a lot of it comes with practice. I know I have to learn to be more open to receiving the messages sent to me by angels and others outside our earthly world.  I do believe in angels and spiritual guides.  I do believe in signs.  Lord knows I have had lots of those messages delivered to me over the past couple of years. I just don’t know if I believe that someone like me is one who should be the messenger.

Time will tell.  No matter. It’s all good.

I attended psychic fairs the past two weekends. It has been a few years since I have done this, but once again I am seeking someone with a crystal ball to tell me WHAT to do and WHEN to do it and WHERE to go. Yes, I want the easy way out.

Weekend before last I attended one in the Dallas area. Met a couple of great women there who left me with much to think about. One of these women is leading a class on Reiki this weekend and guess what? I’m going to attend it. Yes, I am stepping so far out of my comfort zone, but I am going to go do this. I need something new to stimulate my mind. This could be a possibility!

This past weekend I drove all the way to Austin on a lark of a roadtrip to a psychic fair there. My main purpose in going was to see Kramer. ( www.astrofish.net ) Kramer is a great guy, really a lot of fun to talk to, and rather accurate the past few times I have talked to him. He has moved away from Austin, but I noticed through his website that he was going to be in Austin and I thought to myself “Self? Why don’t you just GO??” And so I did. Kramer is an astrologer and spends a lot of time looking at your charts with you. He had something high tech going on this time. No small little tape recorder here. Somehow, somewhere, there was apparently a microphone recording our conversation as he walked me through my charts. Once we finished, he slid a disk in the drive and burned me a CD with our entire visit on it (audio). I thought that so rocked. Kramer is available by phone, too, so give him a call and tell him his favorite Leo from Dallas sent you. (Not that he will know! He tends to make everyone think they are the favorite!)

I also talked to a numerologist who was amazingly, incredibly negative in all that he saw coming at me. Most of these psychic sorts won’t tell you the bad stuff…they just usually don’t. Well, this man would look pained and say “I don’t know if I should tell you this…” I would urge him on and he would just smother me with a boatload of bad stuff. Hmmmmm. I just say, hmmmm. After this man, I went to see a lady reading tarot cards. She was all sweetness and love and everything around you is perfect (ahem) and life is good and only getting better. Frankly, I wasn’t too thrilled with either one of their readings. So perhaps I’ll add them together and come out with a happy medium. (no pun intended, truly) Kramer, though, is a bit more on track with what’s going on with me. He was the last time I saw him, so I hope he is still hitting those bulls’ eyes!

As for the rest of my trip….just awesome. Had dinner with a couple I used to work with before I became a mom. He was a co-manager of mine and she was one of my employees. Blew me away when they got married. He is so laid back and calm. She is high strung, very aggressive AND abrasive. But they have made a good pair. They have one son about to graduate college from Boston University. He was home, so I saw him as well for the first time in about 15 years or more. We picked up as if no time had passed. AND she may try to hook me up with some part time contract work in project management! Now how cool would that be? Yes, some meetings are just meant to be.

I had lunch in another town with my college roomie and her husband. Another awesome meeting. I believe it has been about 20 years since I saw her last. Longer since I last saw him. Again, we talked nonstop as if we talked everyday. And honestly, with both these couples, we don’t do the constant email thing or call every month or so. We pretty much keep in touch through those great Christmas letters and photos that many of us send each year.

The next day I had lunch with yet one more couple in yet another town. This couple is older than I am, both retired now and living a goooooood life. Awesome to see that. I think I could be very happy being financially well set and retired! Oh! I guess I’ve been doing that for about six months now, haven’t I?

Eventually back on the road and home again. If my boys were not home right now, returning to college in only a couple of days, I think I would have stayed a bit longer. There were so many little towns I passed through that had history and antiques and shops and cemeteries and all kinds of things I would have liked to have checked out. So one day soon, I think I will retrace this trip, visit with some of the same people and perhaps some others that didn’t work out this time. On the next version, though, I will not race from one appointment to the other as I did this trip. I will allow an extra day or an extra few hours to go explore. There is a lot out there I have not seen and I am hungry to find out what there is.